It's official...The holidays have begun

Well with the passing of Halloween yesterday we are now truly in the full swing of the holiday season. Although, this time of year is by far my favorite time of year I dread all of the upcoming happenings. As I was handing out candy last night to all of the trick or treaters I was smiling thinking that some day soon that will be me and Brian walking our child house to house in the search of candy. However, when I got home and started seeing all the postings on Facebook my heart began to feel heavy and then the tears started to fall. I know that we are doing the right thing in getting prepared for what is ahead of us by getting our financial ducks in a row but I can't help to yearn for the love that one experiences when they hold their child in their arms. I have faith that it will happen for us one day, I just wish that day was today...

My life has forever changed...

On February 25, 2013 my life was forever changed as I had a full hysterectomy. I know in my heart that it was the best choice that Brian and I could make for my health and our future; however, looking back my heart is still broken. Even after hearing from the doctor today the extent of the disease I know that had I not had the surgery things would have definitely gotten a lot worse. I know that I have a lot of healing to do both physically and mentally I just want to move on and start the adoption process. I worry that the longer we wait the less our chances of ever having a child. I know that our child will be just that OURS. I don't worry about race or nationality I just want to have the chance for us to love a child who otherwise would be lost. I am just trying to get through this difficult time with grace and hopefully my sanity :)

The Aftermath...

Well Sunday has come and gone and our fundraiser was a success. We have managed to bring in over $1500 from this fundraiser. It was a great time spent with family and friends and I am looking forward to the next chapter in our story. I am going to the doctor tomorrow for a second opinion so I am sure that my state of mind will not be the greatest but I have decided that I will call 2 of the agencies tomorrow after I am finished at the doctor. I know that having a hysterectomy will be the best thing for me but I am worried about the procedure. Instead of focusing on the negative I will continue to focus on the positive and the excitement of finding an agency, becoming matched with a birthmother and bringing home our precious child. I know there is a long road in front of us be it is a journey I am willing to take.

3 days away...

Well, we are three days away from the Fundraiser and after a lot of emotion and stress I am finally getting excited that things will turn out! We have so much planned and so many family members and friends have rallied around us that the outpouring of love is humbling. I knew we have wonderful families and friends but the amount of time and energy each person has put into this event has made me realize just what we would all do for one another. Now don't get me wrong it has been a difficult and stressful time and I have had my fair share of "meltdowns". Case in point last night I was attempting to put together a few of the raffle baskets and I was defeated by something as simple as shrink wrap. For those of you who don't know shrink wrap is an excellent "finishing touch" to any basket but it is also the concept of the devil. I found myself crying and cussing over something as simple and inanimate as a plastic bag. My poor husband was trying to calm me and give me advice on how to use it, needless to say, the score was shrink wrap 3 and Brian/Teresa 1. After completely freaking out I decided that stopping for the night (mainly because I was out of shrink wrap) was my best bet. After a good nights sleep and a wonderful day going to the OB/GYN with a dear friend of mine to see her ultrasound I was able to come home a start checking things off of my "to do" list. I managed to finish making the bags to put the Christmas Organizers in that I will hopefully sell, I also made ribbons for everyone working the event and later on this evening I have a group of friends coming over to help price our garage sale items. We have so much planned that I can't imagine that this will be anything but a success. I am so excited and can't wait to write about how Sunday goes. Although I pray that this event will bring in a lot of money I am also thrilled at the overwhelming joy I feel from the love and support that we have been shown. I wanted to take this time to thank everyone that has stepped up and said "no matter what we are here for you and Brian". It is a joy that too few get to experience.

Fundraiser Update:

Well, the fundraiser is 17 days away and we have made some great progress. I had a very humbling day yesterday go from business to business asking for donations. After a couple of hours it became too mentally draining and I had to call it a day. I realize that it is important to ask for help but asking complete strangers for help on such a personal matter was very nerve racking. I did manage to get a few donations and today is looking much better. I am actually beginning to believe that we can pull this off. It is a wonderful feeling to have to many friends and family chipping in the help us. I love all of y'all deeply and it is important that you know I couldn't do any of this without you.

Trying this again a year later...

So I realize now that I am a horrible blogger. I thought a year ago when I started this page that I would just be able to miraculously push aside the feelings I had of never being able to have a biological child and move straight to adoption. Boy was I wrong. I have been on an emotional roller coaster for the past year thinking that I was ok with the path that life had laid before me and then realizing that the hole that was left needed to be dealt with before I could move forward. I am fortunate in the fact that I have an amazing husband who wants nothing but the best for me and supports me in every way, even when it means giving me a reality check when I'm not looking for one. This past year has been very difficult for me but I have come to cherish the strength and support that I have been given from my family and friends. I have been truly blessed to learn what great family and friends I have. Anyway, for a year now we have been talking about having a fundraiser to help offset the cost of adoption and I am happy to say that we have set a date for October 28th. I am so excited to think that the process is actually starting to move forward but at the same time I am experiencing trepidation that we might not raise any money and the embarrassment that will follow if that were to happen. I am hoping to use this blog to allow my scattered thoughts to focus and finally get this off the ground...

It's a long road

It has been almost 2 months now since we found out that in order to have a family we would need to adopt. I can say that I when the process first began I had no idea what all would be involved and now with all the research I've done I realize that this journey is going to be longer than I thought. I struggle daily with the desire to become a mother and I hope that our efforts will pay off in the end. We have been discussing many ways to raise money such as a bake sale and silent auction. My mom is making a beautiful quilt for us to either auction off or raffle. I pray that one day our family will be complete...