It's official...The holidays have begun

Well with the passing of Halloween yesterday we are now truly in the full swing of the holiday season. Although, this time of year is by far my favorite time of year I dread all of the upcoming happenings. As I was handing out candy last night to all of the trick or treaters I was smiling thinking that some day soon that will be me and Brian walking our child house to house in the search of candy. However, when I got home and started seeing all the postings on Facebook my heart began to feel heavy and then the tears started to fall. I know that we are doing the right thing in getting prepared for what is ahead of us by getting our financial ducks in a row but I can't help to yearn for the love that one experiences when they hold their child in their arms. I have faith that it will happen for us one day, I just wish that day was today...

My life has forever changed...

On February 25, 2013 my life was forever changed as I had a full hysterectomy. I know in my heart that it was the best choice that Brian and I could make for my health and our future; however, looking back my heart is still broken. Even after hearing from the doctor today the extent of the disease I know that had I not had the surgery things would have definitely gotten a lot worse. I know that I have a lot of healing to do both physically and mentally I just want to move on and start the adoption process. I worry that the longer we wait the less our chances of ever having a child. I know that our child will be just that OURS. I don't worry about race or nationality I just want to have the chance for us to love a child who otherwise would be lost. I am just trying to get through this difficult time with grace and hopefully my sanity :)